Getting It.

What do you know about people “getting it?” And when I say “people” here I’m even talking about the folks right around you, who know you well. Sometimes it feels like I am in a well of despair but instead of concrete walls going up it’s lined with kids, footballs, flags, black & white shirts, bills, money (floating away), places I am supposed to be, stinky laundry, clean (laying on a couch) laundry, fast food, gas stations, dirty cars…

I have had it today. I need to get FIVE kids picked up. I’m totally great with adding kids to our brood, especially this one because he is an awesome mannered fella, but I’ll tell ya, the thought of driving forEVER to get everyone before the places close is giving me anxiety. The real kind, where you feel it in your fingertips. It is making me frustrated, also, that I have to do it. Every day. Where in the world does it say the mom is the only person responsible for all the things?

Okay, rant over. FOR NOW. *insert maniacal cackle*


Prayers for Baby Jace

I have a link here that I would hope you’d look at and consider:

Prayers & Donations for Baby Jace

This sweet baby needs both prayers & donations! His story is remarkable and it will just continue to bless us all!

There is also a facebook page that gives updates all the time! His momma, Jamie, will be posting more when they get to New Orleans for their Hyperbaric Oxygen Treatments!

Prayers for Baby Jace

Compliments of Grandma.

I have been so blessed being married to Ben. There are countless reasons: our kids, our church, our jobs. Really it would be pointless to list all the reasons why he is great, but the reason I am thinking about today is this: He has the best Grandparents. He has both sets. They’ve both been married to their spouse forever so there isn’t any step or half. (Not that that is a bad thing, but it is so different from my family). Today I was lucky enough to talk to his Grandma Doris, I don’t get to talk to them (her and Grandpa Lee) a lot because he can’t hear and she is terrible at technology so calling her is always hit and miss whether or not she can hit the proper button to talk…but today it worked. And she cried because she misses me and our fam. How sweet is that? But even sweeter she complimented me on how I handle her grandson’s job. She said she is amazed at how I can manage four little ones and still get to where we are going and do it half way right. She said that she had two boys and sometimes couldn’t make it work. She said if she had to deal with a football schedule she wouldn’t have been able to do it. This woman is the smartest lady that I know, she can do anything so this is such a compliment to me.


Summer is over and it’s only July

Do you ever feel like that as a Coach’s wife? Or I guess Coach’s husband…

Dead weeks are almost up, for those not in the sports world, that is the few weeks at the end of June beginning of July where no athletic events can happen. No practice, no working out, no camps. Well those end this week and with that that means our fun little summer break is officially over. I hope we can sneak in some stuff here and there but it stinks knowing that football is back…it will be “fun” football when school starts and you can see the games and the boys growth but right now it just seems like a downer.

We went to Hot Springs to a lake house that our friend’s own. They let us stay there for FREE! It was so beautiful and right on the water, it was amazing. We swam, ate God’s chicken (Chick-fil-A) and went to Magic Springs. It was an amazing few days. That was our summer vacation and I will cherish every memory! Including the scary snake, but I’m not talking about scary snakes today.

This was the view from the upper balcony. IMG_6074[1]

I’m sad our little summer is over but I like how it isn’t crazy yet. It is like we can slowly add the events until school starts…then by then we will ready and firing.

Today is June 21st. It’s the first day of summer, it’s the day my brother in law was born (23 years ago) and it’s a day I’m very proud of my husband. It’s only been 10 months or so since I’ve blogged anything but I figured I’d post this so I can look back on it in another 10 months.

There has been some work drama for him. Coaches coming and coaches leaving, transfers, promotions etc. This is probably normal for most coaches’ families but there actually hasn’t been much change since we have been Badgers. This is our third season and the first two everyone stayed…this year we have had three or four leave. Some have gotten better opportunities at our school and some had the ability to be head coaches in other schools. With all the changes my hubby requested to be transferred to the middle school campus, he teaches History at the high school and wanted to try it on the middle school level.  Several of the coaches that were hired are only certified for 5-8th grades whereas he is that and secondary level. He did that to make himself more marketable to be hired and it is a good idea, but it didn’t work out for him this time. He is still at the high school. I was disappointed because the lady who is Principal at the other campus is so lovely. The lady who would’ve been his department head is who I wanna be when I grow up. The schedule would have been a little more flexible for his coaching duties. But alas, a no.

Now, I am not one to be told no. Luckily this happened to him and not me. BECAUSE he has been so great. He didn’t go down the tank or get angry or get prideful or get snooty. He just knows that The Lord is watching out for him and guiding him. A no for this means a yes for something else. Now isn’t that great? Shouldn’t we all take a page from that book?

In all the change there have been people who have not been happy. It is so easy to look at someone else and see their sin. To see the pride or anger. To see the fit that they are throwing. But we have to remember to be a spiritual contributor, we have to pray for them through this. They are probably hurting more than just because they were told no. There is a lot to every situation and we have to use this opportunity to pray for people when they can’t see past this problem in front of them.


Oh to be a man.

This morning my ever loving, fall asleep as fast as lightning, snore louder than Godzilla hubby says, “Man, that baby slept like a rock last night.” Oh really? Surprise to me, considering that HE fed the baby at midnight and again at 2:30. I was up pumping so I saw him do it. We even talked to each other. We didn’t say anything of consequence but I think from now on I am going to do all my big asks then…this big baby of ours is 4.5 months old but really trying to prove himself. He’s almost got holding his bottle down!


This week school started up and we had some family drama but it was all handled so well. I don’t know how people have a life without God. We have been so blessed. We have felt His presence more in the last week than we have ever before, and He has shown out before! I am so thankful for my family…the ones that live with me and the ones that just pray for me from afar!  I know they probably won’t ever know it, but we truly love them all!


Here is our best Back-to-School picture!


Okay I posted about most everything that has been going on in the past few months but I barely touched on my experience breastfeeding. For one thing this is my fourth baby and my first time being able to breastfeed longer than a month. I am normally around a 34A and right now I refuse to measure because they are so large. I actually call them milk jugs, creative & classy, huh? I also normally exercise and since they move around when I walk I refuse to do anything that might actually make them BOUNCE! What the heck!

I think being back at work (since he was six weeks old) has made it worse because I am an almost exclusive pumper, so that sweet bonding time you’re supposed to have with your baby is limited to the middle of the night feedings and let’s be honest those aren’t the prime times for bonding. I dread having to go home for lunch on my break every single day and pumping. And then having to do it around 4:30 every afternoon. And then again around 9PM and then again around 2AM. And then again at 7AM. Now I’m sure you’re thinking 1. that I am selfish or 2. why don’t I just breast feed. Well, once you start up the work/daycare routine his feeding times are extremely different than my needing to pump times. In a perfect world I could go to his school and feed him but it’s too far away. Sometimes we get lucky and I can stay in bed longer and can feed him. It’s so much easier than the mind numbing twenty minutes of pumping.

I asked my hubby last night if he thought there could be a direct correlation between breast pumping and depression/anxiety. I mean, I sit in my dark room and pump while I eat breakfast then I eat lunch in there and then I am awake at night by myself pumping away. I do have three bigger kids who sometimes stroll in there and keep me company. They are all pretty funny so that is my favorite time, otherwise I’m on my stupid phone looking at stupid facebook (but that’s another post on another day).

I think a smart person needs to check into my previous paragraph. Breast pumping and anxiety. I tell you what, I can feel it in my finger tips & toes. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, good for you. All that anxiety just coursing through my body sucks. I wish it burned calories then I wouldn’t have to worry about the BOUNCE!

A different set of Hormones


Great. I thought being done being pregnant would help my hormone “rages” but alas it hasn’t. They have just changed to something else. It has been a while since I have posted anything but football is just around the corner and that’s my prime writing time. Mainly for the venting and rambling and venting and rambling. Did I say rambling?

This past year has been a whirlwind. We had our baby boy, March 30th, he’s such a joy. His name is Conan. It’s pronounced Co-nin. Like Conan O’Brien. No he isn’t named after him, but he is developing red hair so that’s going to be great. *sarcasm*IMG_8952


When he was born the labor was intense. All day, nothing, then when it came time to push he was here in less than two minutes, literally. Coach hubby Benny boy delivered him, he wore the gown and all. He was so proud, I was so proud.IMG_6776[1]

It was pretty exciting until we heard how he was breathing. It was almost like he couldn’t catch his breath…all the nurses just left me hanging, again, literally. They went over and checked on the baby and sure enough he had transient tachypnea of the newborn (TTN)…so we spent the first eight days of his little life in the NICU in Little Rock (You rock Big Baptist)! UWTF2303

After we get home, one kid (& then mom) drop like flies with some stomach bug then a fever bug all in the next few weeks. So that was pretty exciting…I had one full week of maternity leave where there wasn’t an extra kid at home with us before I had to go back.

Then we make it to month three…baby Conan has been mainly a breast milk baby, which is hard as heck when you work full time, so he missed all of the sickness going around up until July 8th. The pediatrician had told us that if a baby has a fever of 102 when he is three months or younger then you need to go to the ER immediately…well that evening he had a 101.8 and he was three months and one week…so we called and she told us to use our judgement. I wanted to stay home, but Coach hubby Benny boy wanted to take him to Arkansas Children’s Hospital. I agreed. We go and they get us in and traiged and into a room super quick. They took his blood through his IV (which they got on the first stick, like the boss’ they are) and it all came back good. Then they wanted to do a Lumbar Puncture…I didn’t agree. I wasn’t happy about it because all of his blood work looked fine and all he was doing was being sleepy with his fever….well they all, doctors and hubby, talked me into it. So they did it. I had to leave the room, but it didn’t take long because they were able to get it on the first stick also. CHBB says that he felt the presence of God in that room because he was praying so fervently for them to get that LP done in one take and he said there was a moment where he felt HIM and the LP was done…anyway after a few minutes the doctors come back in the room and tell me that my sweet, sleepy boy has meningitis…of all the things on the planet it was meningitis. The lady who told me what it was had to tell me four times before I could wrap my head around it. It was like a bad scene in a bad movie…

“Your son has meningitis”- says the lady doctor wearing a Tinkerbell shirt and earrings, with green pants.

“What?”- the unintelligent mom

“Your son has meningitis” -says the lady doctor wearing a Tinkerbell shirt and earrings, with green pants, again.

“Are you sure?”- the disbelieving, unintelligent mom

“Yes, I am sure your son has meningitis”-says the lady doctor wearing a Tinkerbell shirt and earrings, with green pants, again.

“Umm…but…he’s…not…umm…”– the disbelieving, unintelligent, unable to forma thought mom

“It’s okay, he has meningitis and we are going to admit him”-tinkerbell doctor

So we spent the next four days cooped up getting our boy better. There weren’t many scary times, but we had faith he would be fine, when I finally wrapped my mind around what it was…IMG_8933

Ahhh…to the reason I even wanted to post anything today. All this to say that… I HATE BREASTFEEDING! He has been about 70% BM and 30% formula because I’m a slow/low milk maker, but even though he mostly gets BM he still goes and got sick. Oh it’s a no win. I’m sure he would’ve gotten sick regardless and maybe him being mostly BM helped him fight it off as well as he did, but in my mind I can’t help but wonder why I am putting myself through this. I get that it’s the best thing for him to have BM but man do I not like doing it. I know all of the pros. I know that I need to change my perspective and focus on the good. I do a lot of self-talk, people. I’m one of those that has whole dialogues in their head…but I cannot get into loving breastfeeding. So today I came into work and started looking stuff up on the interweb and I found this…About Nursing Aversion. It made me so happy to find out that I am not the only one. That it might not just be about hating breastfeeding but there could be a physiologically explanation to my agony (a little dramatic, I know).

Even though I feel this way about BF I plan to do it until my body decides it can’t handle it anymore. Football season is around the corner so that means CHBB won’t be around for about six months so it’ll probably be in those lonely, crazy, busy, hectic months that it might stop. Until then, I will continue to look up other crazy feeling BF’ing moms who feel the same and help me cope.

Hormones. Hello.

I am 19 weeks pregnant. It’s the playoffs. It’s almost Thanksgiving. It’s almost my birthday (again). Oh and did I mention that I am pregnant?


Our team started of not so great…we ended up losing quite a bit of games this year and that isn’t what any team wants to do…especially after a phenomenal  year last year. But these guys have battled back…they are a completely new team…not just on the field but off the field as well. It just shows the kind of character that they have which I am so thankful for.

We have all of “our” coach’s position players over for dinner on Wednesday nights and we have the best ones on the team. They are all so well mannered and they play with our kids and it is such a joy having them in our home. Well as I said it’s playoffs…which means any game now could be the last one so any week now they won’t be over for dinner…so I am preparing some gifts for our two senior linebackers and I am kind of a mess. I am blaming it on hormones, but it makes me sad to think that these kids won’t be here next year. and the next and the next. No one told me that I would actually LIKE these boys!!

Luckily for us (because my kids love these boys) the two seniors have both signed on to play baseball for our alma mater, Henderson State University! So they will, almost literally, be playing ball in our back yard. So that’ll help my sadness…what a roller coaster being a part of the coach’s family has been this year. I know I will handle it better next year…I won’t be so PREGNANT!

Type A Personality is a Must, but B is Better.

I have noticed that most families of coaches share a Type A personality. Here is the definition of this: (wiki)

Type A individuals as ambitious, rigidly organized, highly status-conscious, sensitive, impatient, take on more than they can handle, want other people to get to the point, anxious, proactive, and concerned with time management. People with Type A personalities are often high-achieving “workaholics“, push themselves with deadlines, and hate both delays and ambivalence.[4]

Everyone is my family has this going on. I wish we didn’t…I really wish that I didn’t. I think this needs to have overly competitive and heartbreakingly hard on themselves added to the list. Everyone in our coaching world have remnants of these qualities…there are a couple who do not go to all the games and can dismiss some of the hateful talk, but that’s rare.

Most of us wives have to take charge. We are the leaders of the family when dad isn’t home…and that is most of the time. Most of us wives also work full time jobs or have projects that are like full time jobs…and not to mention the children. Gosh the children, our group has 13 kids and I also have one more on the way.

My attitude has changed a lot this year…not always for the better but I am trying to get back on track. We used to be a part of the most wonderful small group from our church, but they meet on Sunday nights when the Badger Family Potlucks are going on. My coach has asked that I go to the potlucks instead of small group and I was very bitter about it for a long time. Not only because I was missing time with my friends from church, but I felt a disconnect from God. Like I wasn’t learning and worshipping like I have in the past. I also felt like it was a waste of time to do the potlucks because when we were there “together” he was sitting next to another coach talking about what they have been meeting about all day and spending basically no time with us. So that was tough. My kids love being with the other coaches kids though, and that made it a little easier to get over. I also learned that a place isn’t church and shouldn’t define my relationship with The Lord. Which I didn’t think it did, but I truly felt lonely not being with them. I realized that football season is a relatively short time. That I should be as supportive as I can. And be as thankful as possible that the person I love the most has a job he loves the most. I don’t think there are many people who get to do what they love everyday. He’s getting to impact kids and teach them more than just football. I know as a mother I would want someone like my coach leading my son.

I am learning to be a Type A personality where it matters: my home, our bills, my parenting etc. but trying to fit in some Type B personality traits here and there. Being calm, collected and savoring little moments with joy.